The people bringing you the news!Flashy news intro music
Anchors Bob Sterling!
The handsomest man in the studio! according to him.
and Sheila Gears!
The robot anchor with absolutely no human soul or humane programming!ORK the Ork
! Sport enthusiast and sport presentator! The only man alive with a voice loud enough to not need a microphone in a stadium!Lax-274
! The Cykx defective overcoming his fears as a field reporter everyday! Bringing you news from everywhere and nowhere, even areas outside his job description
! Sylvia Roothearth
! Former elven ranger bringing you political news! Standing between the political bickering while still giving us her smile and eyerolling
! A human officer in the intergalactic police corps! Bringing you news straight from the police offices!Heku Xerpa
! Our mischievious, sneaky snake like paparazi reporter bringing you the news from the concealed and complex world of the celebrities!Sloggo
! The slug weatherman! Bringing us the daily weather forecast! Our janitor truly loves him!
The flashy news introduction fades and cuts to Sheila and Bob sitting at their usual reporters desk with a panoramic picture of the Apex-122 district named Luminus before the scythe virus ravaged it. The table was seemingly made out of wood with bits of metal, both Bob and sheila had a microphone, some holographic notes and a glass of water in front of them.“Good evening everyone! Welcome to another episode of Galactic News Network! Before we begin! A small anouncement: We are pleased to inform you that we have 3 new reporters! They will join us on our journey to bring you the truth and expose the lies within the galaxy! But we will introduce them as we go through with this episode, for now we have a crowded program tonight so lets get right into the news!”Our first story for tonight comes from the Serpentum Imperium. Surviving security forces of a fortified compound reported a violent raid on a formerly secret weaponry facility. The raiders didnt leave many survivors. Interestingly in a passing comment one of the security guards mentioned an increase in forces. Exactly double than the normal security present in the base.”“That’s horrible sheila…”“I wasnt done speaking yet. There is a detailed subscription of the perpetrators. They report an armored helicopter and a huge scorpion themed robot armed and armored with technologies from differing origins. It is speculated that this robot is controlled as it did not seem to have many independant tracking systems. Currently all that is known is that the wanted man is co-operating with others and that he cant be very tall in size.” “So! If anyone spots a very short man that owns a massive scorpion robot report him to your local authorities right away! Now for the next story we will have to switch to our favorite Cykx reporter Lax-274!”The screen shifts from the anchor office to Lax-274, dressed in a small grey suit with a blue tie standing on a small ladder to have his head be at the same height of T0w3r, one of the candidates for the status of new immortals leader. “Thanks bob. Lax-274 here reporting from the streets of Apex-122 after the disaster caused by the last leader Ayil Yishal. For years Apex-122 has been prime scavenging grounds for the brave, skilled and foolish during the emergency evacuation from Apex-122 to imm’enne. Many scavengers came here to salvage military immortal tech but with the horrible Scythe virus plaguing the planet not all of these scavengers made it back. Former efforts to clean up the planet from the virus have been strained by the helix campaign. But recently the immortals assembled an undead cleanup unit under rule by a robotic copy of former leader Tower Charlot. The faction has regained alot of it’s morale and has been busy fighting back the infected. I managed to secure an interview with T0w3r who is with me now. T0w3r.”“Thanks mate. For the past years we had several obstacles keeping us from taking our former base of operations back and even worse over the years alot of our technologies were leaked, fortunatly none of them were related to the plaguemaster schematics or scythe bio weapons. The spiritual succesor of our faction known as the drosden fleet reportedly has taken in these schematics for safekeeping. Regarding the cleanup process it’s going very well. Units cant get infected anymore as bombs are no longer in use against cleanup units. As of now most of the living quarters are safe for civilian use again even if traveling at night is unadvised as there are still some shamblers left here and there.”“Hmmm. And the refoundation process? How is your stance on that as a candidate? Do you think you’ll win and whose your biggest competition?”“Ohh im not worried about being elected as i’ve been primarily part of the undead cleanup crews as well as being designed to act and think like the former leader. I dont have the ability to view the votes to see how well im doing but im confident my biggest competitors Kat Kheylana, Gyz and that one obvious madman with the goofy haircut in the suit that seems to be popular with some people will eventually subdue.”“Word is that certain serpentum noble houses are displeased with your rise in power, specifically house Cras’sus…. I hope i pronounced that right… House Cras’sus has spoken out against the immortals and criticized the viscount for being too mellow. Do you wish to respond to that?”“By all means! Cras’sus are those slavers right? Well directly to house Cras’sus i will cite the drosden fleet’s catchphrase: Freedom before death! Also another thing i want to add to it is that i fully support the viscount and want to thank him for his benevolence towards the refugees that he took in as his own. And that regardless of how the refoundation process goes that he will recieve our full support.”“Well you heard it here first folks! There is no discouraging T0w3r and his ideas about the refoundation process if we have to take it from T0w3r! But how will the empire respond in detail? More about that in the political section. Back to you Bob!” The screen cuts back to bob and sheila sitting at their desk while Lax mutters something.“Well, it would apear that we will have to send our newest politics reporter back to apex-122 to follow the story of the immortal election some time soon doesnt it?”“It certainly does, bob. Now for our next story we will reveal one of our 3 newest reporters! Heku Xerpa with our brandnew celebrity news section. Heku, where are you right now?”
The screen doesnt shift to Heku alone, instead a resized version of live footage is projected over the the background of the studio revealing the Yellow and purple snake dressed in a bordeaux two piece suit with a black tie. “Hello Sheila! Im on my ship near Serpentum imperium teritory with all sorts of hidden concealed stories that no one wanted to unveil… Wich is why im doing it!”“Well then! Who are you exposing today, Heku?”“Today i have information on pirate queen Kat Kheylana and Imperial Viscount Raxus Imar.”“Ohhh! Very daring Heku! Tell us, what are these secrets?”“Well ill start with Kat Kheylana: I have done some digging and i came to the conclusion that Kat Kheylana has criminal connections with other criminal underworld figures!”“Wow! Those are some serious allegations, what will you use to back that up?”
Bob asks while Sheila rolls her eyes.“Well, many of their ships have conducted raids on other military vessels as well as the fact that on Parhichi illegal narcotics can be bought legally. I have footage even of her leading one of these many raids. In addition, here are some controversial posts she put on social media during the celebrations of the foundation of the drosden fleet.”“Well it seems to me that the drosden pirate empire would have to look into their leadership figures sometime soon, dont you think so Sheila?” “No. No i do not Bob.” “Well… Ekhm, Heku we have to wrap this up and move on. Did you have anything else?”“Well i also have these GIF files of Raxus Imar riding a bicycle with sidewheels and another GIF file of what is left of his deleted social media channel where he showcased video games such as Minecraft, Fortnite and something abreviated to FNAF… But nothing as daunting. So back to you, Sheila!” “Thanks, Heku. Next up! Reveal of another one of our new reporters, Grisley stories of colonists going missing and of course sports. But first it’s time for some commercial messages.”
The screen fades to black combined with a cinematic zoom out as Sloggo slithers across the set while a janitor walks after him with a mop.
Then the screen shifts and flashes to a vibrant yellow color revealing the galaxy’s favorite chef with Vicyeth, Ventis, Vivvienne and Velis on the background messing around in the kitchen, causing chaos. The chef takes centre stage and begins talking. "AH! I see zat you were wasting your pitiful time watching zis mess of a show, let me tell you a zing junior. Turn ze TV off and turn it on at 8pm to watch a show zat will be worth it. I don't think I have to say the name of ze show... If I have to you're living under a rock and are a hooligan"
He hears a loud clang and turns around to face the elemorons. "Wait Vhat are you doing? NOOOOON!"
He says running into the background as the screen cuts to the next ad. Wich was about some sort of life insurancy company on earth.
Soon enough the screen fades back to the GNN news anchors Sheila and Bob. Bob was going through his notes while Sheila was looking straight into the camera, giving Bob a bump on his shoulder to signal that thay were live again. “Welcome back everyone! For our next story we will be shedding light on the rise of Asgard!” “Both the GSU and the Santori Protectorate are pushed into a tight corner as Asgardian troops are being led into battle to retrieve what apear to be outdated trinkets.” “Not trinkets, Sheila… These are magical artifacts, but i suppose magic may be a concept that is dificult to grasp for an AI…” “I always assumed it’s what you use on your hair, Bob.”“Moving on! We got another story or rather rumors regarding the Galactic Systems Union” “Also known as the GSU.”
Bob said adjusting his tie while Sheila glanced in annoyance. “...Rumors regarding the Galactic Systems Union and their alleged advances in weapon developments, notably favouring their Omega Legion over other companies in their task force.” “Do you think this is the GSU responding to the rise of Asgard, Sheila?” “A logical conclusion. Now, onto politics with one of our other new reporters: Sylvia Roothearth!”
The screen fades out to Sylvia standing next to the Viscount in a dustjacket. “Yes, thank you Sheila… Sylvia reporting from New Serpentum here, im standing here next to Raxus Imar himself who represents the Serpentum Imperium. Sir! Can i ask some questions regarding the criticism you are recieving?” “Certainly Zodarin. Recently with the rise in nationalism of Immortal citizens house Cras’sus has made the public remark that they believe that this nationalism should have been met with force. Calling me mellow. They also publicly denounced the my decision to support their endeavor to independance by granting them permission to take their former teritorial planets back with military force.” “Why is that?” “House Cras’sus is one of the more conservative noble houses and have had a strong disdain for the immortals and it’s citizens for among other things abolishing slavery. But despite their influence they have not yet been able to promote any significant backlash yet to both me or the immortal citizenry” “And the immortals? How are they doing?” “Currently they are still part of our empire but steps have been taken to secure their own independance with a following alliance.” “Thank you so very much for your time, Viscount. You heard it everyone! There is still tension within the empire but fingers crossed that everything goes we- wait wha?”
Sylvia turns around as she sees a police officer placing a ticket on her news van.“Hey! Dont do that! Im from the news!”
The police man ignores her and it becomes a bit of a word exchange with the cameraman manually censoring some of the things she says in response to the police man placing more and more tickets on her face as well as the van. The screen awkwardly shifts back to Bob and Sheila. “There you have it… Recorded live the lengths GNN goes to bring YOU the TRUTH! That was Sylvia with politics…” “Bob dont adjust your haircut just yet, we need to cut to two more reporters before our next story is.” “Oh… That’s right… Next up! Another one of our new reporters! Sports! And unsettling tales of colonists going missing followed up by the weather! We’ll be right back after these commercial messages!”
The screen cuts to a a gritty sports arena with a low booming voice beginning to yell. “THIS WEEKEND IN THE DROSDEN ARENA! WWX MECHA DIVISION WITH HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPIONS LIKE THE JUGGERNAUT, BULLDOZER, GRAAAVE DIGGER AND THE MATCH OF THE SEASON: COLE VERSUS THE EMPEROR! WHO WILL TAKE THE PRIZE HOME? FIND OUT THIS WEEKEND! warning: wwx is not responsible for injury, dismemberment or otherwise death of neither contestants nor audience members. Ask your doctor if wwx is righ for you. wwx may contain imagery not suitable for hearthpatients or minors. “
At the end of the ad the screen cuts back to Sheila and Bob with in the background an obese african american man holding a microphone. “Welcome back. We have a story for you straight from Sabbaton where our new reporter Carl Jacobs! You’re up Carl!”
The screen in the background expands to full screen to reveal the entire murder scene with Sabbatonian soldiers in the background keeping up surpressing fire on Flickr. “Thanks Sheila. Officer Carl reportin’ here straight from Sabbaton. Im standing on a horrific murder scene of a Sabbatonian soldier. Right now with the war agains’ the Flickr, law enforcement like this falls a little short. Last friday the victim was found deceased right behind his station where he was supposed to be holding off the oncoming Flickr like all these other fine gentlemen around me. Witnesses report that the perpetrator might have been a robot but who really killed this man and why is still unclear. That ought to be all because im being told to pack up my things and move so back to you Sheila.”
“Next up: sports! With Ork the ORK!”
The screen cuts to a stadium full of people with Ork the ORK surrounded by other large figures cheering at the contestants. Much like the other reporters Ork too was wearing a red tie with a blue suit, but his suit had broken sleeves as his big arms were too large to fit inside. “THANKS SHEILA. ORK THE ORK HERE REPORTING FROM THE DROSDEN ARENA! RECENTLY THERE HAVE BEEN SOME ADVANCES IN THE SPORTS WORLD! FOR EXAMPLE THE WOMEN’S LEAGUE IN AMERICAN FOOTBALL HAS FINALLY BECOME POPULAR WITH THE TEAMS FROM THE GSU AND THE DROSDEN FLEET RUNNING ON TOP. Wait, why is there golf and tennis in my notes? Get that out, Ork doesnt do pansy sports. THEN WE CAN TALK ABOUT WRESTLING IN THE MECHA DIVISION! AFTER A SERIES OF VICTORIES COLE ALSO KNOWN BY HIS STAGENAME WICH IS COLE HAS ASPIRED TO CHALLENGE THE CURRENT CHAMPION: THE EMPEROR! ORK HAS ALREADY BOUGHT HIS TICKETS FOR HIMSELF AND HIS FRIENDS! MORE ON THAT NEXT WEEK, IT WILL BE SUPREME! IN OTHER SPORTS NEWS ON FOOTBALL: KEEPER OF LIVERPOOL HAS BEEN SUSPENDED FOR USING POWER SHIELDS PROMPTING THE NEW RULE THAT PERSONAL PROTECTION TECH ARE TO BE LEFT IN THE LOCKER ROOMS. THAT WAS ALL FOR SPORTS TODAY, ORK NEEDS TO GO CHANGE BECAUSE SOMEONE SPILLED BEER ON ORK’S SUIT EARLIER.”
The screen slowly fades back to Sheila and Bob. Sheila was going through her notes while Bob was holding his hands over his ears. “I-is he gone? Can i uncover my ears now?”
Sheila seemingly ignored him and proceeded to report on the next story. “More news from the serpentum imperium.” “Sheila we agreed i could do this one. Ekhm! Ah yes, in more news from the empire it has been rumored that transport ships that were carrying colonists to a set of refugee camps have reportedly diseapeared into thin air. The circumstances of this disapearance is unknown and so are the fates of the passengers.” “That was all. now onto Sloggo with the weather.”
The screen fades to sloggo who was awkwardly holding a stick between folds of fat to point at a galaxy map. “Good evening everyone! Sloggo here reporting on the weather! This week will be rather quiet in most of the northern teritories but there’s a front sweeping in from the west. Around earth it’s rather quiet but Thursday it gets cloudy with a chance of asteroid rains. Some clouds may pop up here and there but in general it is going to be nice weather! Back to you for the outro Bob!”“Thanks Sloggo! With the weather done that just about wraps up our show for tonight. Goodnight everyone and remember: Be safe, Live long and prosper!”